Left behind wannabe

Well, today’s the day. All the good Christians with Jesus in their hearts will be raptured up to Heaven, and everybody else will be “left behind.”

I, for one, devoutly hope it’s true: that all those people will be off the planet for good, we won’t have to listen to their foolishness any more, and the rest of us will be left behind to get on with it.

I hope enough of them will be raptured away that we’ll no longer have to listen to “overpopulation” Cassandras either. And just think of all the worldly goods that will be left behind for us. My neighbor has a really cool car. Please, Jesus, take him! Maybe enough lucre will be left behind that we can solve the national fiscal problem, and put a dent in world poverty too.

(We’re told Jesus loved the poor — but not enough to take them to Heaven, I guess, because too bad most of them aren’t Christians.)

Personally, I could name a few people who should roast in Hell. But to believe that great swathes of humanity deserve eternal torture because they don’t have the “right” religion is, frankly, disgusting. I hope instead for a world in which everyone can flourish. Yep, I’m no Christian, so leave me behind — please.

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2 Responses to “Left behind wannabe”

  1. Robert Says:

    I text a friend at 6:05pm EST. laminating the fact that I would now have to make May’s house payment since I was still drinking a cold beer on my porch. A response came back instantly: The person you just text is no longer here!
    I immediately drove over and raided his beer fridg! God works in mysterious ways.

  2. spoing Says:

    You’ve presumably heard about the agencies which provides a pet-care service (for a price of course) for those poor dogs and cats left destitute after the rapture.

    http://www.aftertherapturepetcare.com/

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