My 25th Anniversary: A Beautiful Life

Unknown-3November 27 is my 25th wedding anniversary. Such occasions can be considered meaningless calendrical artifacts. But they do provide prompts for reflection and celebration. Yet in truth I hardly need it, since no day goes by without my reflecting upon and celebrating my marriage.

My wife has said she feels the lack of a sociability brain module that others have; and I feel that myself. There’s a lot of the loner in me. And, when I belatedly got ‘round to hankering after women, I was pretty clueless in going about it. Doubtful of my ability to land a great catch, I’d have settled for less; I cringe to think of some of the unsuitable women I pursued, fortunately without success. It’s an irony that the one I actually did get was the best of them all.Unknown-1

And whereas, for most people, by my stage of life, those fires have dimmed to embers, I am having it backwards – having now what normally comes with youth. It’s said that youth is wasted on the young, and in the sense meant, I certainly wasted mine; but I’m making up for it now, certainly not wasting my elderhood. And the inversion seems advantageous, since now I have the seasoned wisdom to appreciate the gift.

What I mean to say is that I’m actually more in love with my wife than ever. Couplings are supposed to start out passionate and then ratchet down to tamer feelings. This too I’ve inverted. If my marrying Therese was more from intellect than passion – really a utilitarian judgment – that judgment has been wholly vindicated, and the feelings once tame have grown intense.

UnknownBut, of course, just as my choice 25 years ago was not from heedless passion, nor is my passion now heedless either. It rises from what she is and what we are together. Quite simply, we have a beautiful life together. One of the big mistakes in marriage is the hope of changing the other person – an error we’ve never made. Indeed, acceptance of each’s nature, and allowing each to be him/herself, is a fundamental principle of our marriage. But perhaps for us that’s easy. Or for me, at least; maybe the most annoying things about Therese are her leaving windows open, and dishes in the sink; at which I just smile, small prices to pay for all that’s wonderful about her. How splendid it is to be greeted each morning with her smile.

I’ve read that the key to happiness is: low expectations. You’re less likely to be disappointed, and more likely to be pleasantly surprised. It’s worked for me; I am still in a state of pleasant surprise at what I’ve gotten.

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Yet one can see life as ultimately cruel and tragic. Nothing is given to us without its finally being taken away. The beautiful life Therese and I have will end. But no law of the universe decreed our entitlement to such a gift at all. We can only rejoice at what we’ve been given.

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12 Responses to “My 25th Anniversary: A Beautiful Life”

  1. aloeverahealthwellness Says:

    it is your silver jubilee marriage you should write a quarter century biography to understand your reflection of past 25 glorious years of achievements, mistake learned for correcting it, the amount of pain and sorrows overcomes, the goodness and spirits earned will give your personality in totality

  2. unsaturatedyouths Says:

    Beautiful. A total restoration of faith in love and union.

  3. unsaturatedyouths Says:

    Reblogged this on alimspeaks and commented:
    Beautiful.

  4. Priceless Joy Says:

    This is beautiful.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    Lovely & Holy Congratulation’s……!!!!!

  6. Kurt Carson Says:

    Bravo.

  7. aloeverahealthwellness Says:

    I appreciate your acceptance of each other is unique. In the world, accepting others feeling culture is a greatest problem everybody encountering. This aspect you have managed well congrats to you

  8. Scott Perlman Says:

    Simply wonderful post.

    A French poet and playwright, Rosemonde Gérard wrote a great amount of poetry and some plays. She wrote a poem known as “L’éternelle chanson” (“The Eternal Song”). It was impactful to me personally, because it summarizes in the fewest of words how I feel about my wife of almost 35 years (we met in first grade).. After reading your post I think you understand. The last two lines captures the way I live every day
    .
    In English:

    When you and I are old
    When my fair hair turn grey
    In the month of May when the garden is drenched with sun
    We shall go and warm our old trembling limbs

    It is true. We shall be old , very old , weakened by age
    But I shall hold your hand more tightly
    Because, you see, each day I love you more,
    Today more than yesterday and far less than tomorrow.

  9. Reticent Mental Property Says:

    Inversions and couplings, acceptance and morning smiles…gorgeous words to live by for another 25. Congrats!

  10. Anonymous Says:

    I’ll agree, you’re a lucky guy and so am I.

  11. Tony Peters Says:

    Excellent post! One of the few times I’ve read anything by you and thought: “that makes perfect sense”.

    Actually it might be the only time come to think of it. Despite which I always enjoy reflecting on your perspectives.

    Congratulations to you both.

  12. smealek Says:

    Love is a fickly journey.
    It is constantly changing, and evolving.
    If you travel this path, be the best journeyman possible.
    It can actually be quite challenging

    Anyway, Congratulations!

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