Get ready for . . .
No more fiddling with buttons or touchscreens.
No more recharging hassles.
No more misplacing it, having it stolen, or dropping it in the bathtub.
No more confusing features to figure out.
No more pushback from dweebs annoyed by your chatter.
No more dorky glasses on your face.
The future is now.
You’ll never look back.
You may never look anywhere else.
Introducing . . . The Oople iMplant™.
The Oople iMplant™ will be installed directly into your brain. (Our bioengineers have located there a space for it, that you weren’t really using anyway.) Quick, painless, and conveniently available at any Ooplestore.
Here’s how it works: by reading your mind. Yes. After all, it’s right in there, in fact it’s part of your mind. Ever wonder how you know what you’re thinking? Philosophers have puzzled over this for eons. But it doesn’t matter, because whatever way you know what you’re thinking, Oople iMplant™ will know it too. However – and here’s the killer – unlike your old analog brain, confined inside your skull – Oople iMplant™ will be wirelessly connected – to everything!
So, say you need a recipe for ratatouille. Simply think that thought, and Oople iMplant™ will search the web, get an answer, and download it right into your mind. It’s just that easy!
And if you want to phone your girlfriend – merely think it – and Oople iMplant™ will connect you. What’s more, the conversation will be totally private, because it will take place inside your brain.
If that sounds a lot like telepathy . . . well, welcome to Oople iMplant™!
Can it teleport you too? No.
But we’re working on that.
Oople: “Making tomorrow today.”
Tags: mind, technology
September 21, 2014 at 9:18 am
This sounds fantastic. Will it have a camera feature?
September 21, 2014 at 9:18 am
Thanks, Chad, glad you asked. OF COURSE it will have a camera. In fact, since your two eyes will serve as lenses, the pictures will be 3-D!
September 21, 2014 at 9:18 am
Hmm. If the iMplant will know my thoughts . . . and it’s connected to everything . . . will that mean the government could know my thoughts?
September 21, 2014 at 9:19 am
Don’t be paranoid, Chad.
September 21, 2014 at 11:14 am
The Singularity Is Near
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